Certainty

I could have gotten married.
I could have had kids.
I could have woken up to his face forever.
I could have been loved for as long as I live.
I could have had intimacy and commitment.

If I'd stuck it out,
if I'd pretended,
I wouldn't have fooled him
or myself.
But we would have gone on.

To marry.
To have kids.
To wake up beside each other forever.
To have intimacy and commitment.
And something like love.

But I gave it all up.

I broke it.

For me.
For him.
For no guarantee that I'd ever find someone
who could ever love me
like he did.

I threw it all away.

For happiness.